Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
