I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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