Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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