Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
