Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
