It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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