If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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