you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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