like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
