Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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