i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
