Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
