my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
