i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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