You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
