her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
