I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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