You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
