You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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