so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
