Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
