You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
