alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
