Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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