There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
