So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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