I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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