Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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