dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
sex in a hospital.. check
Come share oat with me in your robe
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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