so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
