Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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