I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
