first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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