What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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