I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
