hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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