So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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