you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He had one of those small greek statue penises
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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