You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
