I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
