somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
