He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
