you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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