3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
