i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
