Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
