were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
