I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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