i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
