I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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