he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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