You work out of a Hotel?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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