thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
