That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
